Unfinished…
Time flies… Just in a whim, one breathing moment’s gone… A single wink of an eye can cost you a second… Just exactly why I can’t stand still… Why I can’t simply sit on the sidelines… Every passing minute is just too prized so as to let it go… Just a while ago, I was watching another sunset… The scene was grand… Makes you think a lot… Makes your soul wander off to some solitary place… Peaceful and calm… So serene… Then I thought… that if only I could hold unto this moment… just watch this sunset and enjoy this mood of calm… And then go back to what I was doing without the clock having moved… Why does it feel like there’s so much to be done but with so little time… I hate racing with time but unconsciously I always end up trying to catch up with it… Trying to be in time… And maybe ahead of it in some occasions… Now, it’s almost midnight again… Pushing myself to sleep would take a while as it feels like I may just missed out on some things… Maybe I’m still craving for more out of my life… And yes, I’m pretty sure there’s more to it… But still I can’t find a way out to this race… Been asking myself what’s the point… But I can’t find any answer… Looks like time has got me trapped…
Thinking about it got me thinking… Life is sometimes measured by the time you have left or the time you have spent… Life is at times just a collection of things that happened in a series of timeframe… But is it? Why would I measure life with time? I don’t have time to spend… I just have my life… I do not have all the time in the world… Just this life… It’s not about clinging to every minute… It’s about holding on to every moment … Make every breathing worth it… Every memory makes a very unique imprint in life… Though you can’t hold unto time… You can hold unto the memories… At sunset, Life is a series of meaningful memories… A bundle of crafty written pages of how your life played along with the melody of time…
Better days
Back in the days, I never pictured myself this way… Not in a foreign country… Not like this… I was simply dreaming of a good life… Just the normal work at home and the normal routine that I do… But I never really thought that it can be better… This present I’m living is way better than how I once dreamed these days would be… And i’m still amazed at how His plans can really exceed what we have in mind… I don’t really know how it works and I don’t know how to explain it… But looking back, I never imagined it to be this way… Sure there were the rough roads but these are all behind me now… The future is still unknown and I know that there will be rough winds ahead but hey, just who knows what’s beyond them? I’m pretty sure that what’s after would be a lot better…
If now is a lot better than before, enjoy it… But know that the sailing is still far from over… and if tomorrow’s winds blow harder, face it… and tread on! If the rain would pour tonight, then get soaked… ride the waves… You really don’t need to fight the weather… Sometimes, you just have to accept how the tide turns… And know that all these will soon pass… Who knows when tomorrow, the sun will shine on you… Then you would be able to appreciate it more… Going through the roughest of times is just a prelude of the best days to come… Sweet days follow the bitter days! And they form part of the balance.. just like day and night… each season has their own purpose… just accept it and don’t fight back.. Enjoy every turning of the page… every tear drop… every sound of laughter… Coz some day.. when you look back, its still gonna be a whole lot better… Enjoy the ride! Cheers!
What’s after?
What happens when everything’s over… When it would be the last time I close my eyes… When the night would last forever… And dreams would play for eternity without a single one coming true… When the sun would no longer shine another day? When there would be no spring or summer? Winter or fall? Just maybe the cold empty space filling me in… How is it when that day comes that I no longer have to worry… to think of what’s going on… Think of why, what, how and when? what’s next? How does it feel like? To feel no pain.. To cry no tears… To know no fear… Is it better? A never ending silence… no laughters… no smiles… there’s just nothing… How is it? How is it like to have so much and to lose them all at once? When all the wanting is over? will it be better? When this road reaches towards its end? When the music is down to its last notes? Just like when you’re down with the last page of a book… And then you flip it closed.. Will it be the same? Is it that easy to end everything? Is it a way or just an escape?
Life can be tough? But would the absence of it be tender?
Just a thought on a rainy day….
Now… I can’t even remember how many planes passed right in front of my window… Can’t even remember how many rainy days I’ve gone through… So many boats have sailed, too… But seems like nothing’s ever changed… I may lose count of everything… May even forget the days… and even the faces… But one thing remains… I still can’t forget the feeling… And oftentimes, I go through rough days longing for it… But it just won’t come… Memories can’t bring it back… Just when and how did this happen? I don’t know… Maybe wrong turns? Stupid choices? I can keep on looking back… Or maybe I can go on and take this step forward… Who knows if the feeling i’m missing is no longer behind me but right ahead… If I keep on walking… Maybe when choices are scarce? Maybe its not a bad choice to let the wind blow you to faraway places… And when the time comes when you encounter fate again and offers you choices, then maybe the past will show you the right answer…
little things
Its a relief to know that when you needed someone to listen… There will always be someone who would come along… You don’t ask for it but they do… In an unexpected hour, surprising ways and even unthinkable places… Moments that puts weights on your shoulders or instances that pulls you back… There will always be someone that would come and share the weight… Someone to push you back… So you never have to worry… Life may seem to be unfair most of the times… But its only because we’re facing forward… Hence, we see clearly these obstacles but we never see those people who’s behind our back… Always believing… Always there… Just face everything that comes along and have faith that they will always be there to lend a hand or a shoulder… Give you a tap at the back.. Maybe lend an ear… Or just there watching you grow… to a better you… Always happy…
circles….
It’s the 14th of April… Been thinking for hours now…. I woke up with ny head clogged with these thoughts… Went out for a walk to ease this but it just won’t go away… I’d like to write down exactly how it feels but I’ve been drowning myself with words and still I can’t find them that can exactly say how I feel…Right now, sillence does mean more than a thousand words… If only I can write it down, then maybe it would be easy… I always thought that writing down what you feel would help free the mind… Unburden the soul…. But I never thought that it could be this hard to write when it feels like you’re about to fall apart… For four months now, I’ve been trying real hard to dawdle over this new place… new work… new people… Just to get this off my head and be able to smile… I laugh hard… Not a sad thought was entertained… with all that, I was hoping that I should be able to say I had the best 4 months… but did I? Really? As I am here, i’m stumbling all over again… Maybe what I’m trying to say is that its hard to fool yourself… I can go on running in circles but I will still be coming back to where i began… Its tough when the answer is not the answer that you want… And life has a funny way of pressing those answers…
More rain please….
Today ended with a rain… Just when i’m loving the sunshine… Then I thought that some good things never really last… And then right when I put on my hood, I felt the chilling breeze that goes with the rain in my face.. Then I saw the people rushing for shelter… Some with a bit of dismay in their faces as they await for the rain to stop… And right before I blend with their mood, I saw some kids rushing towards the rain… All giggling… As they chased each other… And then their parents would call on them… But then.. those smiling faces… That left me a thought… Why is it that these children can manage to laugh and even go running under the rain…? While me and the rest of the crowd would frown and take cover? And then with a sigh I heard a parent say, “Looks like the rain’s gonna take some time… I still have to finish some stuff when I get home…” Then I look at the kids as they gaze in the rain and in the moving gray clouds…
And so getting mesmerized by the look of interest in their faces, I rolled my eyes towards the scene… The rain seemed to have mellowed a bit as some of the bystanders began to move towards their destinations… All rushing again… Yet I stood still and just stared… And then I allowed my mind to wander off the chilling mood… Its cold… yes… And that I barely noticed the entire day… I saw one of our neighbors passed by as she waived her hand at me and smiled… And then I smiled back… Then looking back at how my day went… That was my first smile for today… This day is almost over and yet I didn’t notice the cold weather…. the gray clouds telling me that they are going to bring some rain this evening… I can’t even remember smiling… All I remember are the meetings and the work papers that filled my mind… Then I thought… I badly needed this rain… To make me stop… To make me look around and wander for a bit… To breathe… To find a deeper meaning in my day… And then I get jealous of those kids… It felt like they know more of life than adults do… Looks like they live more than I do… How they see the positive in everything and enjoy the same… I was once a kid… How could I have forgotten… How could I have strayed from that life I once knew… It doesn’t mean that I should not be working… It only means finding balance… Managing my thoughts is one way of doing this, I guess… Leaving behind in the office those work-thoughts can free some space inside this cluttered mind… Then I can fill it with some good stuff… Maybe I’ll win a smile or I get lucky, I can go home laughing… Worrying about things that we can’t do something about at that present moment can eventually rob you of that chance to think about yourself… about other people… about everything around you… Now I’m thinking that this rain, it’s no bad timing… It’s just a reminder from Him that I should take things slow whenever I can… There are things that needed to be noticed whenever we’re not on a rush… There’s a lot of things to be thankful for whenever you’re struggling to find one… Maybe all we needed is to stop… look around… and just listen… I bet what we find is all worth it… Now, i’m walking towards this rain with a smile on my face… And I can’t help it but laugh… I missed this… And moving forward, I’m going to catch more of these moments….
ShadesOfGray
